I fell off the bike. I don’t think it’s an accident on a rainy day.
Deep down inside me, I know it’s a consequence of I was pushing myself too hard. For many months, I just pushed myself to keep going and going even though I was not ready. I did not spend enough time to listen myself. I was hiding from my feelings, my inner voices instead of facing them.
That day, it was rainy. I was going down a long hill. The road is full of small branches from trees next to the road. I could not control the speed and fell off the bike. But I know it’s not the real reason it happened. If it did not happen that day, it would happen after that. I was not ready for that trip and was not ready for a lot of things I decided to do this year. I was just pushing myself too hard. I was trying to go quicker than my speed. I did not do the trip alone, I don’t want my slow speed affects to my partner. I did not enjoy the view on the way. The only thing in my mind is trying to go quicker. When going downhill, I was just trying to take the advance to get a higher speed. But I was wrong. I got injured as a consequence, not an accident at all.
Luckily, I did not hurt my bones. It’s just some scratches on my chin, my hands, and a deep skin abrasion on my knee. I can’t walk normally for 2 weeks. I had to go to clinics every 2 days for 3 weeks. And until now, after 6 weeks, my skin has not healed completely yet. It’s not big deal. I’m still lucky.
But it’s a warning for me. It made me stop to realize how hard I pushed myself. It made me realize I was trying to hide my inner voice and just keep going and going even though I was not ready. I was hurt, I was lost, and I did not believe in myself. I listened to people around me and just keep going even though I’m not sure it was right for me. I was hiding from my feelings, it can not transform, it just stuck more and more inside me and become anger, negative energy. I realized I need to spend time alone, listen to myself and understand myself more before starting a new stage. I need a long break.
I decided I will continue the trip in Chile and Bolivia, then after I enter Peru, I will stop and separate with my partner, Tony. Spending time alone with myself in Sacred Valley before doing anything next. Take a break, let things in my mind can come out, and arrange them. Clearing about my idea, things I really want to do in myself, not things to show off or living the life of someone else.
Someone said: “Like riding a bicycle, to keep balance you need to keep going”. It’s right, BUT go at your own speed even if it’s slow. Don’t push yourself too hard and fall off your bike.